Wednesday, March 26, 2014

What I'm doing around here

I've been off of work for two and a half days now. This is my third day home. Honestly, I thought I'd have NOTHING to do, but it's not that way at all. My days are filled with naps, walks, bouncing on an exercise ball, watching TV and movies, eating, drinking, laundry, doing stuff in the kitchen, writing letters to my favorites, running errands, making dinner... I'm kinda busy!

Yesterday, I went for a walk FOUR times. I had TWO bouncy-ball sessions. And I had a whole mess of jalapenos on my taco salad. And just before bed: some pretty serious pressure and pain. I couldn't fall asleep for the contractions! It was almost exciting, like "this could be the day" type of feeling.

Today, I've walked TWICE (so far, but it's only just past noon); the first time was 1.2-ish miles, and the second was just over a half mile (I had to cut it short because it started raining - what I call "Valley spit," but what almost anyone else that lives around here would call a "downpour"). Anyway, it looked like it was picking up, and I didn't really feel like getting drenched. So there's that.

All six of these walks have been filled with weird and interesting moments. Today, I saw two grown men (both probably around 30 years old) under one of the gazebos at the park; one of them was scream-singing something like, "Dear Lord, take me away to a better place!" I got followed by a cute little boy around four years old. I saw Animal Control taking away a stray. I walked past an elementary school where kids were playing and laughing and squealing. Kids with their parents flying kites. Some kids playing "red rover."

Part of me just wants this whole thing to be over and done with; another part of me wants to never let it happen. I know it's just because I don't know what to expect. So I'm stuck in this dreadful in between place: I want it to be, and not be, at the same time.

I don't think this post has any kind of a point to it. I'm just thinking. And venting. And relaxing. And enjoying the sounds of rain. Maybe the next post will be a baby announcement...? Wish me luck!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

What I'm...

Mommy, Run Fast! started it, and I'm answering:

What I'm reading...
Made in America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States, by Bill Bryson. And I'm loving every minute of it, even if he has a tendency to wander and get lost in tangents a bit. I love it.

What I'm learning...
Patience. Baby's due date is tomorrow. I'm crazy-uncomfortable, nervous, and anxious... but I can't force anything, so... I'm learning patience.

What I'm indulging in...
Not a whole lot, but I did make Tim break out a bag of the Cadbury M&Ms he always gets (and hides so I can't find, per my request) at Christmas and Easter. Ice cream doesn't do for me now what it did in the first trimester, and the creamer ice creams (like vanilla, usually my fave) are just... not my friend.

What I'm lounging in...
Jeans. Even though it's in the low- to mid-80s, I refuse to buy maternity shorts (I have no more than 14 days of this pregnancy thing ahead of me)!

What I'm dreaming of...
So many things, really! Seeing baby for the first time. Holding baby. Living baby. Bringing baby home. Basically everything in my life right now revolves around baby.

What I'm loving...
My Love. Always.

What I'm afraid of...
This has been on my mind a LOT recently, for some reason (or maybe for no reason at all). I can handle spiders, snakes, mice, whatever. I'm not a fan my any stretch of the imagination, but I can HANDLE those things - those things can be killed! The thing that really frightens me right now is the unknown.

What I'm cooking...
Nothing more exciting than tacos or grilled cheese. How lame is that? I think this calls for a batch of blondies (my favorite recipe from a place my mom used to get our bread when we lived in upstate New York). And breakfast cookies (from a recipe I pinned).

What I'm wondering...
When this little babe will decide to make her appearance! Oh, and what justice is there in the world if it can be in the mid-80s in March. Like, for example.

Friday, March 21, 2014

High hopes, dashed

I had high hopes for this afternoon's baby appointment. But, maybe it just want meant to be. Every day, I think, TODAY could be baby's birthday. But that day isn't March 21st. At least, not THIS baby. Maybe tomorrow, but I doubt it. I'm starting to think she'll be even more difficult than me and Tim combined, and she'll wait until April...

So the appointment wasn't what I expected. I expected something that couldn't happen. I expected the something that could've pushed me into labor, but because even the procedure itself couldn't happen, the labor-starting REALLY couldn't happen. Plus, I was only dilated to a one or two, not "at least a two," like I had hoped.

All of this served only to remind me to not have a set of specific expectations. Don't be disappointed because something that I can't control didn't go according to my plans (expectations). I thought I had already learned this lesson years ago, so it's disappointing that I have to learn it all over again. Don't set myself up for failure. Don't try to control what I can't control.

Oh yeah: and don't try to change other people. Women, for example, are an interesting breed. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I'm not exactly the typical chick. So when women turn into spiteful, cruel, vindictive monsters... I just don't know what to say or do. For example: I feel and my doctor has confirmed that baby has dropped, and really, she has no more dropping to do. Despite this, all of these monsters that I work with argue that my doctor and I are wrong, that baby hasn't dropped yet. How can you argue with that?

"Yes she has."
"No, she hasn't."
"Doctor said so."
"She's wrong."
"Well, I feel like she's dropped."
"Well, you're wrong."

...and I'm at a loss. What do you say to that? I just don't know. The same thing happened with waddling, when one of these she-devils said that I waddle, and wouldn't take "no I don't" for an answer.

So I guess, along with feeling really uncomfortable not only at work, but also just in my own skin any time I'm awake, AND being away from these "ladies," I'm glad to start my leave. It's just trying to control things I can't, right? Why does that stress me out as much as it does? It shouldn't, right? I hope I'm not the only one.

Words of wisdom?
Any hope?

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I don't want to share!

Confession: I'm not exactly the world's best sharer. Well, that's not true. Let me rephrase: when it comes to things I like, I don't share. I don't even try.

Have some of my broccoli.
Want some of my lemon cookies?
Here - take my chips.

But ice cream? My favorite book (or movie)? Bring leftover Tootsie Rolls to work so I don't eat them all myself? Nah - I'd rather get you your own, because I'M NOT SHARING.

So tonight, on the eve of my birthday, I was thinking one again that I'd better not have baby tomorrow. I know that might sound selfish, but it's as much for her sake as it is for my own. I don't want her to have to share her birthday with me, and I don't want to have to share my birthday with her.

Friends, family, and co-workers have guessed that baby will be born very, very soon (even if some of my more argumentative co-workers refuse to acknowledge that baby has indeed dropped). I'm hoping to put baby off until AT LEAST Saturday, but Sunday works, and Monday (the 17th, St. Patrick's Day) would be my first choice.

You see, we've got plans: A birthday dinner at Ruth's Chris. Corned beef and cabbage at home. Walking with a couple of friends. Lunch with a friend. Plus, we'd like the weekend, so having the baby on Monday would be the best. Clearly, this is how it'll work out, and it'll be perfect, just as planned.

Right? C'mon...someone has to cross their fingers with me!