Wednesday, May 14, 2014

What I'm feeling

I don't feel good today.
I didn't feel good yesterday.
Or the day before that.
Or the day before that.

It feels like recently, my only conversations are with a 1.5-month old, but it's so one-sided. Besides, we talk about what lofty goals we have for the day: go to Target; go to Costco; go for a walk or even a run!

It feels like I can't handle anything in more than 30-minute increments. I feel weak, physically unable to do the things I once loved (hello, running). My arms are tired and sore; will holding my babe give me any sort of definition there? I'm pessimistic about that.

It feels like my life is filled with pills. How many? Which ones? What time was it when I took them? How does that one make me feel? They all make me feel like a lab rat - every one, that is, except one, abd that's the one I try to avoid.

I feel like this phase is interminable. I know that there are a lot of people - family, friends, frenemies, acquaintances, perfect strangers that think they have a right to comment on my life - who say I SHOULD do this or that (mainly that I SHOULD stay home full-time). Guess what? I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my most precious babe that I love so much will be better off without me while I'm at work. Why? Because I'll have a chance to miss her.

I feel like I'm going crazy right now. Or maybe I'm just crazy already. Let's go with that one.

1 comment:

  1. Everyone is going to have an opinion and advice. You know what's best for you and your family. I hope you start feeling better!


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