I'm feeling a little defeated tonight. I feel like the perfect thing for me that I wanted - the thing that I thought I was a shoe-in for - the thing I was born to do... it all just kind of slipped away tonight.
I don't quite know what to do now. I can't keep doing what I'm doing right now, because that would make for a lifetime of misery and regret, not to mention a ton of resentment.
But I guess in a way, this new challenge leaves things more open than they've been in a long time. I have more options now. It's just that I'm not sure which - if any of those options - might be what's right for me. Because with any big decision like this, there are life-long repercussions.
I don't want to do something just for the sake of having something to do, but by the same token, I don't want to have nothing to do because the perfect thing just slipped out of my reach.
I guess I feel more than a little bit lost at the moment.