Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Stealing the perfect compilation tape

I've loved reading the perfect compilation tape ('s posts for a while now, and I was doubly excited when I found out we were pregnant within a few months of each other. We could be friends! Miserable pregnant friend! But there were just a couple thousand minor issues, like for example, each mile that separates central California from suburban Chicago. Oh well - let's follow each other on Instagram instead! It was perfect. I had my own make-believe friend!

Anyway, she did this post the other day about how a baby has changed her marriage. She said (in very short summary):
1) She and her husband argue more;
2) They struggle to find time for the two of them as a couple;
3) They've become a stronger team;
4) They've learned more about/from each other;
5) Their love has intensified; and
6) Her husband has no complaints about certain side effects of having a breastfeeding baby.

I wanted to add in my take on this, because that's what I do sometimes: I steal other people's ideas and make them my own.

Honestly, I don't think Tim and I argue any more or less than we did pre-baby (PB), but when we DO argue, it's usually because one or both of us has been driven to madness, probably a side effect of sleep deprivation. It's amazing (in a totally horrible way) how sleep affects a person. I'm not the same person when I'm sleep deprived and exhausted. Anyway, should those really even count as "arguments"? I think not.

Finding time for just us isn't as easy as it was PB, but it's okay - definitely doable. Of course, we have tons of friends who are just crazy about Katelyn, so that helps. Our Thursday night dinner (date night at home) has gone through some modifications, but overall, I think it'll be fine, and we'll get back to normal... before the next upheaval and rearrangement.

Now that I think about it, that's probably my biggest struggle: the constant change and readjusting to a new schedule. Nothing is ever the same. New formula. New challenges (teething! sleeping! solid foods! poop!). Diapers that work. Diapers that don't work. It's frustrating beyond belief, but it's also kinda thrilling, in a sick sort of way. Does that make any sense?

We've definitely learned more about each other, as well as from each other; we constantly bounce ideas off of each other, and we figure stuff out together. We've learned what works for her, and what works for us when it comes to her. And we've learned how we react to insufficient amounts of food, sleep, and personal time and space. We've learned about what drives us nuts, and what makes us squishy softies inside. Yeah, you could say we've learned a lot.

Speaking of learning, it's funny, isn't it? The way you expect things to happen isn't always how they happen. And how you thought you wanted things - you might not want them like that anymore. But how can you be sure of what you really want? Hasn't everything kind of gone wonky and out the window crazy anyway?

Tim and I always thought we wanted two kids. They can be friends. And then we had Katelyn, and we both kinda wondered. Right now, I'm 60/40 in favor of NOT having a second one, but Tim (I think) is on the side of having a second one, but waiting for a little bit. So... "we'll see" (that's my theme song, "we'll see"). If we do have a second kid, I'll have a lot more crap to go through, so I would very much like to dispense with the breast feeding, and just go straight for the bottle. It's too much crap to deal with, and yeah yeah, there are positive things that breast feeding does, but for me, I think the benefits of bottle feeding are greater. For me. Oh well... "we'll see."

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