Monday, June 30, 2014

I love it, but I don't, but I do

I think that one of the more important things in life is to remain in the moment. To always be present. To not get distracted by the mundane, the tedious, the run-of-the-mill. To not get bogged down by trivialities.

But, I also believe that life is all about learning; I have a lot to learn. I sometimes learn lessons over and over and over again, like not to expect anything too specific from anyone or anything. In certain situations, I'm more likely to expect things, but like I said, I'm learning.

Add another lesson to the list: remaining present and in the moment. I love this kid

Awake, asleep; happy, sad; hungry or satisfied; she's mine, and she's my favorite. She's the only one I want, and she's the only one I'll ever have (assuming everything goes according to my master plan). I love her sooo super much, and yet I find myself on my phone... watching movies... trying to distract myself from the moment, because the days are long when it's just the two of us.

I hate wishing away this short time that she's so little, but I am excited for the future. It's not even that I think it'll be BETTER, just DIFFERENT. She gets frustrated, and so do I, when she needs or wants something, and she can't communicate it, and I can't understand her message. I think she enjoys certain things, but perhaps she just endures them; maybe those things bore her. I don't know, so I'm excited for her to talk.

I love it when she sleeps in my arms, and when she cuddles me. I love that she needs me. But I'm excited for her to crawl and walk and run; I enjoy my independence so much, and I think she'll enjoy hers as well.

I love it when she's asleep. It's quiet, and peaceful, and just heavenly. But when she's awake, there's nothing better than when she smiles or laughs! It's true, what they say: parenting is the best and worst job ever! It's filled with the best and worst moments. It's the most happy and the most sad you'll ever be. Isn't that kind of the definition of bipolar? manic? what?

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