when I open my eyes
I say to myself:
I, not events, have the power
to make me happy
or unhappy today.
I can choose which it shall be.
Yesterday is dead,
tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.
I have just one day, today, and
I'm going to be happy in it."
Today marks two months since my life changed forever, and I was thinking about X today. I've had a number of moments since that day where I thought, "that would be a great job for him," or "I haven't talked to him in a while; maybe I should call or text or something." But it's only fleeting moments, thank goodness. I haven't completely lost it. Wait. No. Scratch that.
Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving on vacation the day he died. But what help could I be? None. It's not as if he was there. He didn't care one way or the other, and it was great to have a fun distraction.
Running is another great distraction. I want to keep running, stay healthy, live my life. Because if I don't do things that make me happy, what point is there in life?
I'm tired of crying, and being sad. I'm tired of making excuses, and not just doing what I say I'm going to do.